The Celebrity Turkey Awards of 2011

The Celebrity Turkey Awards of 2011

The Celebrity Turkey Awards of 2011, Gobble gobble! Many of us will be enjoying turkey this Thanksgiving, and our beloved celebrities are no exception. But this year, there will be more turkey at some tables than others. Check out our Celebrity Turkey Awards of 2011, where we “honor” those stars who have NOT made us proud! Can you guess who the biggest turkey is?

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Rebecca Black

14-year-old pop star Rebecca Black gained notoriety when her single “Friday” went viral, thanks to mommy, who paid ARK Music Factory $4000 to promote the song. Many critics dubbed it “the worst song ever.”  Ouch! After “Friday” went viral, pulling in 167 millions views, it was pulled from YouTube. Rebecca uploaded it later anyway. Thank goodness for small mercies!

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Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

Okay, he’s 51. And she’s 17. And they met on the internet. Kind of gross, right? The relationship is eerily akin to the late Anna Nicole Smith’s with her ancient husband J. Howard Marshall — who was a whopping 62 years her senior! Except without the sweetness, but the weird, slurry speech is there.

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Anyhoo, Doug and Courtney got hitched in May and insist the marriage is as strong as ever. Now, she’s pushing for her own reality show … and insisting that her hooters are not fake. So, who’s the bigger turkey — him or her? At least they have a sense of humor — he dressed up as her for Halloween! Nice phallic lollipop, btw…

Crystal Harris

Here’s the most heartbreaking story of the year. Seriously, our hearts are bleeding. Here’s the situation: Playboy Playmate Crystal Harris, 25, and Playboy Magnate Hugh Hefner, 85 met. They fell in love. And she dumped him on the eve of their wedding! Cruel and inhumane! She says sex with the Hef lasted “like, two seconds.” TMI! “When I said, ‘I missed a bullet’ when Crystal left, I didn’t mean I didn’t love her,” Hef explained to Howard Stern. “I meant that I realized she didn’t love me.” Poor Hef! Somehow, we have a feeling he’ll get over it.

Crystal Harris. Classy!

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Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen is and was nuts, but somehow, he gained our respect towards the end of the year when he stopped talking about Tiger Blood and his Adonis DNA. His cray cray antics got him booted off of “Two and a Half Men” and forced his manager to quit, he moved two porn stars into his mansion, he was pegged as bipolar, and the list goes on. Our fave expressions of Chuck’s: “Sorry my life is so much more bitchin’ than yours. I planned it that way,” and “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body.” By October, he had done a 180 — even participating in his own roast and wishing his “Two and a Half Men” replacement, Ashton Kutcher, the best of luck. 

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Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oy. He was busted for having a love child with his cleaning woman, Mildred Patricia ‘Patty’ Baena. And Maria Shriver, his faithful wife of 25 years, dumped his skeezy ass. Then, actress Brigitte Nielsen came forward and announced that she, too, had an affair with Ahnold while he was with Maria. Well, at least we she was the relationship terminator and didn’t stick around like the wives of so many philandering politicians.

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Lindsay Lohan

Hats off to the biggest court jester ever, LiLo. If we had a dime for every mugshot of the troubled star, we’d be loaded! This turkey has been in jail, been on probation, gotten fired from volunteer jobs, and blown off her community service duties at the L.A. County Morgue. Get it together gurllll! By year’s end, a judge was rather lenient — basically sentencing her to 30 days in jail and telling her that if she doesn’t get her act together by March and report to community service and her scheduled sessions with her shrink she’ll be sentenced to 270 years in jail. We hoped she’d had a wake up call, but we’re feeling like she’ll probably be on the list next year.

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Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian. Wow. After the most obnoxious wedding we’ve ever witnessed in our lives (followed by quite the icky and tasteless wedding special on E!), Kim filed for divorce from basketball pro Kris Humphries after just 72 days of marriage! Was the wedding a sham to add more bucks to the Kardashian empire? Kim insists not — it was all for love but it just didn’t work out. Our hearts bleed for her! And we actually feel kinda sorry for Kris. So sue us!

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And those are the celebrity turkeys of 2011. Think anyone was unfairly put on the list or that we missed anyone super turkified?