Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Hidden Cameras You’ll Never Spot


By the time you spot them, you have already become a Law & Order: SVU victim.

 Smoke Alarm, $344.95

No one’s going to take another look at a smoke detector if you want to go ahead and nab this one with the wirelesss CCTV camera hidden inside. You may, however, have some 'splaining to do if the fire department catches you telling your neighborhood Starbucks that due to new government regulations you have been authorized to put a smoke detector in every stall in the women’s bathroom.
DVR Alarm Clock, $416.66

People still use alarm clocks, right? Like, that’s still a normal thing? Chances are whoever you’re secretly taping in your bedroom won’t be noticing the Sony Dream Machine perched on your dresser. Surprise, it costs $420 and has a hidden camera in it that records directly to an SD card. Before I’m willing to drop this kind of money, I need to know: does the alarm clock actually work?
Video Recording Pen, $107.69

A video seer in a pen? What will science achieve next? As I am not a scientist, I cannot give you an answer. My best guess is that it is space-related. This pen is pretty good, though. If you don’t mind shaky video due to the fact that to be truly inspired you must compose your amateur romance novels on lilac-scented stationary with cursive longhand. To reiterate, it is a pen with a wireless camera inside.
Car Key Camcorder, $28.37

Hopefully you have a shitty old car that was made before power locks were invented, as two of these dongles on one pair of keys would look pretty stupid. One of the cheapest spy cams on our list appears to be a simple wireless car-unlocking dangler, but can secretly take pictures and video (with sound!). This is exciting for me, as one time I went to Jiffy Lube and one of the workers stole the bagel I just bought from Panera. What I wouldn’t do to catch the asiago thieving grease monkey on mini-tape.

Video Sunglasses, $49.99

Though I would not hesitate to disagree with Amazon’s claim that these video sunglasses have “stylish elegant design,” I can’t deny the awesome power of shades with a built-in camera. You can already stare at somebody for hours without them being the wiser if you are wearing sunglasses, and this takes things to the next logical step. According to today’s fashion, you can also wear them up in the club. Who knows what goes on there! Now you do, and you can re-watch it every day for hours.

USB Lighter Cam, $21.62

This lighter is secretly a video camera that records directly to a USB drive. If you are afraid of being perceived as a smoker or an otherwise undesirable character, there is nothing to fear: simply lay the lighter in direct sight, where friends can see the word “Health” clearly stamped on the lighter.

SecurityMan MirrorCam, $98.10

You don’t need to be a hospital to mount those big round mirrors on your walls. They’re actually quite helpful for seeing who’s coming around the corner. The McDonald’s in my neighborhood actually had these puppies, butI haven’t seen them at a McDonald’s since. And I have seen the inside of many McDonald’s. The mirrors were presumably erected after the Excitable Fatty Slip 'n Slide Ketchup Krash of 1987, a condiment counter disaster which resulted in several innocent Fry Kid casualties and twelve wasted McNuggets.

Flashlight Camera, $58.99

I can recommend this hidden cam on the basis of it being an actual working flashlight, but you’re going to have a hard time secretly filming someone if you’re shining 8 LEDs in their face to do it.

Watch Camera, $99.99

This chrome watch has 720p video recording capability, stored on the internal 4 gig memory. Though I appreciate the fact that it is on sale for 75% off, I suspect it is because the watch looks like it was welded by a sober, mustache-less Salvador Dali.
Mini Spy Button, $99.99

If I ever wore clothing that required buttons, I would be all up on the Mini Spy Button from Cuarta Dimension. Provided nobody would notice the lipstick-sized bulge kicking it behind that one button that doesn’t seem to match the others, you could get some decent footage of unsuspecting navels.
Stuffed Dog Nanny Cam, $130

If you have children, chances are they are being beaten when you aren’t home, or even when you are, but not paying attention. This is just the reality of life. Why not treat your little scamps with this happy pup-pup whose little black nose doubles as a camera lens? Unfortunately, most child-beaters probably research nanny cams and casually throw a diaper on them or something while they are biting your baby’s delicious, milky feet. Still, pup-pu

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